til Step 1 of the COMLEX, and 26 days until Step 1 of the USMLE. I can't believe this has come about so quickly, its almost like I hardly had a chance to breath. And what is still in between now and then? a full weeks worth of 6 finals followed by a cumulative pharmacology exam the following Monday. I'm so torn between what I need to be studying for. And to make it worse, it's Friday evening, the sun is out, the weather is beautiful. It finally seems to be the start of spring in Chicagoland. I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat it or talk my way around it: I'm cranky, really cranky. To up my spirits I stopped for a diet coke. I know I know... supposedly I quit a couple days after Thanksgiving. But sometimes we all need something to perk up our mood, though a walk with Kate and her pups and seeing Kendra and her research poster were lovely occurrences as well. There haven't been many times in my life when I question what I'm doing with my life. But currently as I look around at all my peers in the real world I can't help but feel some envy for the seeming freedom of their lives. Yes, sure, I suppose I have the same freedom. I could sit here and decide I'm not going to study for a thing the next 3 weeks and that would basically be the end of my medical school career. Easy as that. Except the nearing 6 figure debt I'm carrying. I just signed a new lease on Tuesday for a wonderful apartment in an amazing location. I couldn't ask for more regarding my housing for next year. I can't quite understand why I can't enjoy the thought of my upcoming move. One of the few things keeping me going is knowing there are about 200 people in my area going through the exact same thing right now. I'm forever grateful for how supportive and helpful everyone in my class is, it wasn't at all what I expected to find in medical school.
So instead of continuing to complain I'm going to attempt to shift my mind to something / one I'm very thankful for... that individual being my mother. Cliche maybe with Mothers Day right around the corner. I couldn't have asked for a mother with better influence in my life. I know moms always say their kids are such a blessing in their life, well in my case I think it is very possible that my mother is more of a blessing in my life than I am in hers (partly because she has two other "blessings" other than myself. I wish I could have the opportunity to celebrate mothers day with her this weekend but unfortunately I have more hours of work to accomplish than I have hours with which to accomplish it. I'm also thankful she understand and is supportive of this. She did marry a doctor who she met while he was in school, I think she knows the work and commitment that goes along with the education and occupation, I'm also thankful for this understanding. I bought her a gift yesterday and I do hope that when I see her and get a chance to celebrate with her over a fondue dinner at Geja's she likes it. Its a scarf I've been eyeing for some time out of the Art Institute of Chicago. But it's a spring/summer scarf so let's hope that this weather sticks around and winter doesn't come knocking again in a couple weeks.
In the mean time I was inspired by Nicholas Kristof's op-ed column in the Times this morning titled "Beyond Flowers for Mom"
here's the link http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/05/opinion/05kristof.html?src=recg
He writes about an organization that has worked to create safe birthing means for soon-to-be mothers in Somaliland. This is a country where according to his statistics women have a 1/10 chance of dying from pregnancy/labor. The hospital that has been built has allowed women to have a safe clean well cared for establishment for women to have their babies without such risk of mortality. As I read this I found myself reminded of why I'm going through the education I've chosen and worked for and all the blessing that can come from it. While I don't think I will personally ever experience the "joy" of motherhood I do understand that this is a dream for many if not most women throughout the world. And I like that, it's kind of a uniting feature that can bring all people together for one happy natural cause. The fact that this joy might be hindered do to poor medical conditions is not acceptable. I do believe in miracles and despite being science-minded I believe babies are a form of a miracle and are gift. I am happy that this group is working to keep the miracle of life continuing throughout all areas in the world.
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| Happy Mother's Day :) an aside: The child in the photo is me so for all you haters... I was in fact born a blonde |
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